Questions and answers die with them

My mum died on 27 January 2017.

She had been ill for 4 years precisely.  Having had a fall and breaking her femur on 26 January 2013 she spent some time in hospital and needed specialist nursing care, unfortunately never saw independent life again, despite striving to achieve it, mum was never well enough.

Life had been tough for that four years.  Harry was born the previous November so he was only 10 weeks old when mum had her fall, and luckily I was on maternity leave from work so was able to tend to her in hospital and find a good nursing home for her.

It’s a sad situation that Harry had never seen his ‘Gargee’ out of nursing care and was something that mum found really difficult to cope with since the only thing mum really wanted since my brother and I had become adults was to be a grandmother.  My brother lives in Los Angeles and although he was already a dad, being a grandmother to Logan was impossible, only because it came down to geography.

So after four years, mum decided she had had enough.  We had a wonderful Christmas together.  We’d moved into a lovely new house in 2017 and mum came for Christmas.  We tried to make it a special occasion for her with Paul’s parents as well, but mum had lost her hearing very suddenly during the year and, despite various tests, no cause nor cure could be found, so as lovely it was to have her there, it was still quite a lonely experience for her as it made it difficult to be fully included in the experience.

So, shortly after Christmas, mum had another fall.  She’d hurt herself quite badly on the way down and after a night in hospital was discharged, however, a few days later a hernia mum had had for years with no bother had suddenly strangulated and was slowly killing her.  Again, she needed to see a doctor at hospital but, this time, I had been given the news that mum desperately needed an operation to save her life but the assessment that she was not fit enough to withstand the operation, mum was sent home for palliative care.

Mum died less than 24 hours later.

So I didn’t manage to ask my dad questions of my adoption.  Now mum had taken so much information with her.

The questions I had were now down to me to answer.


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